I woke up one morning this spring and couldn’t get out of bed. My arthritic left leg was so painful that I could not bend it. I am 84 and I suddenly got scared. The “what if” questions flooded in: What if I never walk again? What if I wet the bed? What if I fall and break my hip? What if I can’t walk the dogs? Panic then, little by little, some common sense fell with perspective. There I was — already confined to a wheelchair in my mind — and I had barely tried to get out of bed! Moaning and moaning, I forced myself to just lift that leg. Then I rubbed my knee, twisted it back and forth, and realized, “I can do this.” After three minutes, I stood up and slowly walked to the bathroom. What does it take to age well? For me, it’s this battle between “I can’t” and “I can”. As I drank my coffee that morning, I thought about what the signs of aging had done to me. My doctor kept warning me, “You’re 84, not 54. Shut up!” I tried to ignore him and pretend everything was fine, but the list of “I can’t do it anymore” was growing. I cannot open jars of jam, pickles, bottles of wine or water. I also can’t paint walls, hang wallpaper or climb stairs. I can no longer get into a boat or even some cars, carry heavy packages or hold a baby in my arms. I also had issues like cataracts, hearing loss as well as challenges with balance and memory. The list is endless. I ignored it because I was always alone and independent. The future of dependence on others was terrifying. Bissett started a pet service after his retirement. (Submitted by Sheilah Bissett) But that knee woke me up. I realized that I have to face aging head on. I need to be honest with my “I can’t do it anymore” list and embrace the independence I have left. So I got a custom knee brace and in August, I took my first steps towards a new lifestyle. First, I created more time for myself. I realized that I’ve never known what it’s like to not work, because here I am still working in a pet business 10 years after retirement.
I dropped three clients and kept two and, to my delight, had three weeks alone at home with no commitments. I read three books, called friends and met for coffee or walks by the river. I watched whatever I wanted on TV, tanned on the balcony, went to bed at 7:30 or 11:30 and got up when I wanted. I danced around my apartment to ABBA. Bissett dances to ABBA in her living room and celebrates the freedom that comes from fewer obligations. (Submitted by Sheilah Bissett) Then I faced something I thought I could never do. I painted my bookshelves from light yellow to deep magenta. It took three days to do what my younger self would have done in one day. It was such a success that I also scraped the rust off my balcony rails and slowly painted them as well. Best of all, I pulled out my financial records and realized that with some cuts, I don’t have to work as much. I may have to sell my car, but the peace of mind of a less stressful life and increased connection with friends will be worth more. Now I must learn to let go of old habits and gradually relax into the idea that rest, not stress, will be a new and better life for me. It took Sheilah Bissett three days to paint these shelves, but she did it all by herself. (Sheilah Bissett) But I still have my doubts. Two weeks ago, I had an invitation to a five-course, chef-catering party from a dog-sitting client who was celebrating her 44th birthday at home. I immediately accepted and then had second thoughts. An 84 year old with a knee brace with all these young ladies? Where would I fit in? What would I wear? I can not do that! I almost canceled at the last minute. But I assured myself that since we had known each other for over five years, the hostess must know what she was doing. So I asked a friend to drive me. I put on a long skirt to cover my knee brace and went to one of the most memorable dinners of my life. We laughed and cried and shared stories about travel, teenagers, a recent marriage, dating and divorce. The night was incredible. I’m 84, not 54. But I can do this. I will continue to take more risks in the future.

Telling your story

As part of our ongoing partnership with the Calgary Public Library, CBC Calgary hosts in-person writing workshops to support community members in telling their own stories. This workshop was hosted by the Kerby Centre. To learn more, suggest a topic or volunteer a community organization to help, email CBC producer Elise Stolte or visit cbc.ca/tellingyourstory.