If anything, it was all very annoying. The prime minister had spent much of the previous days insisting he had never heard a word about Psycho. Not even a doll. She always found him completely charming to work with. If it’s a little steep. And aggressive. But that was all part of his manly charm. So it has now emerged that civil servants in two of the departments where Raab worked had made formal complaints of bullying. The only miracle was that so far no one had come forward from the former department to leave the EU. Give him time. And just wait until the police start identifying some of the unidentified bodies fished out of the Thames. But for Raab there was definitely an upside. He had to support Rhys! to the prime minister’s questions. And he feared he would be in for a hard time from Angela Rayner because of the numerous bullying allegations made against him. Just imagine. And in anti-bullying week. People should know better than to pick on him at such a sensitive time. But we were where we were. And at least now he could say he was too traumatized to testify and would wait until the outcome of any investigation. He was far from packing the house in the government benches for Psycho’s first PMQs outing since his re-appointment as deputy prime minister. If he has his fans, they had chosen to mark the occasion by staying away. Like most of the cabinet. PMQs: Angela Rayner presses Dominic Raab over bullying claims and economy – video highlights Jeremy Hunt was there to show his face ahead of Thursday’s Autumn Statement, but he made little effort to hide that he was there under pressure. Maybe he had been bullied into it. Being seen around Raab isn’t a great career move these days. Otherwise, the forgettable Alister Jack was the closest we got to an A-list cast. And he was only there because he couldn’t sneak away after Scotland’s questions. The session started with a non mea culpa. Raab’s typical response to everything. He has never yet encountered a situation in which his standards of behavior fall short of expectations. It hasn’t occurred to him yet that it might be an idea to up his game. Thinking you must have been top just because the junior staff leaves the room alive and after wiping away their tears just doesn’t cut it. But Labour’s Clive Betts tried to get Psycho to commit to something on the record. Raab would admit that bullying wasn’t exactly what Reese did! did he remember when he said he would govern with integrity, professionalism and accountability? And would any minister found to have received a complaint against them be forced to resign? Raab went into legal overdrive. He didn’t want to say anything that might prejudice any investigation. But he was sure he would be proven innocent on all counts. Especially if the prime minister did the right thing and appointed a home investigator trained to overlook bullying complaints. Too bad the prime minister hadn’t bothered to appoint an ethics adviser. He went on to say that he would abide by any decision. Which wasn’t the same as saying he was going to quit. It’s always best to leave yourself some wiggle room. For now though, Psycho did his best to look remarkably relaxed. As if these sorts of complaints were the sort of thing every cabinet minister had to deal with. Angela Rayner looked strangely worried. It was almost as if he figured he just had to show up and Psycho would fall apart on first contact. Except now the ball had changed. He had already gotten the survey he planned to demand. And he hadn’t prepared another line of questioning. It started well enough by aligning Labor with the government’s response to Russian aggression in Ukraine. Although Raab would have put up with that all day. Just come up with five more questions he could agree with. This was one of the rare occasions where he wasn’t actively looking for a fight. Rayner then referred to the coming budget. He used the same 38-38 OECD growth statistics that Rachel Reeves had quoted in Treasury questions the day before. Still no answer. Hunt was going to do anything to upset Rish’s wife! and various Tory donors, scrapping non-settlement status. Psycho was horrified. The Tories were the party of ambition. And closing tax loopholes would simply prevent people from working hard to acquire the connections and wealth to avoid paying what they owed. Then the deputy Labor leader piled on Raab for bullying and the lines of attack probably disappeared. He had nowhere to go with them. Psycho could just fall apart. There was going to be an investigation. He couldn’t believe that the people he had bullied were actually bullied or they wouldn’t be coming forward now. The people who were actually bullied were usually so incapacitated with PTSD that they never left their psych ward. So he was pretty sure that anyone covered in flying tomatoes would be able to see the funny side. Just bands. The way he tried to bring out the best in the junior staff was by treating them like crap and putting them through a near death experience. Labour’s Bambos Charalambous stirred things up by citing Raab’s precedent. Was it true that before becoming an MP he had made a member of staff sign a non-disclosure agreement? No, Raab insisted. The person simply had to sign a document agreeing not to disclose anything. Which was completely standard practice. Especially when the boss is an aggressive madman. Now Psycho’s anger vein was throbbing. Pulse. Pulse. Pulse. Raab took a breath, wanting to get back under control. He could kill someone later. Just because. Jacob Rees-Mogg tried to save him. Several Labor MPs had been accused of intimidation. So it was hypocritical for the opposition to whine about Raab’s excesses. By far the best way forward was to just forget all the bullying complaints. Not that the government didn’t take them seriously. Raab was already banned from meeting unsupervised junior staff. Lee Anderson was just an idiot. Then there is no change. He believed Labor daring to question Suella Braverman’s multiple breaches of the ministerial code was the worst act of intimidation. The session ended with Raab on a high. Sunak was going to choose the person to lead the investigation. So it wasn’t going to be independent in the slightest. Even better, Reese! he had made it clear that ultimately it was up to him whether Psycho was guilty or not. In case the investigator did not follow orders. Everything would be fine. This is our Dom. License to bully. A year at Westminster with John Crace, Marina Hyde and Armando Iannucci Join John Crace, Marina Hyde and Armando Iannucci for a look back at another chaotic year at Westminster, live at Kings Place in London or via live stream. Wednesday, December 7, 2022, 7 p.m. -20:15 GMT. Book tickets here.
