The double gold medalist lifted a painful 34-year-old public silence about her sexuality on Sunday, saying she felt like she was about to “explode with excitement” finally coming out after years of depression, anxiety and even suicide. , keeping it a secret from everyone except close family and friends. Holmes, who realized she was a lesbian when she kissed a colleague in the military in 1988, told the Sunday Mirror: “It was illegal to be gay in the military. The danger, if you were caught, was to be arrested, to be taken to a military court, to be thrown out, sometimes to be imprisoned. I wanted to be in the armed forces from the age of 14 and I desperately wanted to stay, so I could not inform them. “But it was really difficult because it ruined my life out of fear.” She described how after winning the gold medals in the 800m and 1,500m at the 2004 Athens Olympics, she was tormented by anxiety that she would go out. “The reason I did not want to go out was because I did not really know people in sports… who were gay,” he said. “The ban on the army had been lifted for only four years [before] and I had never asked anyone if there was any kind of retaliation if I said something. I was still completely petrified. “I had to do this now, for myself,” he told the Sunday Mirror. “It was my decision. I’m nervous to say that. I feel like I’m going to explode with excitement. Sometimes I cry with relief. “The moment this comes out, I’m essentially getting rid of that fear.” Subscribe to the First Edition, our free daily newsletter – every morning at 7 p.m. BST National Bureau of Statistics data released last month showed that far fewer people of Holmes’ generation were willing to identify as gay than younger adults. In 2020, only 2% of people aged 50 to 64 said they were gay, lesbian or bisexual, compared with 4.5% of people aged 25 to 34. Holmes said that when she first realized she was gay, in 1988, Britain was gripped by the AIDS panic that stigmatized homosexuals. Schools were banned from “promoting homosexuality” under Rule 28, which operated from 1988 to 2003 in England and Wales and until 2000 in Scotland. Homosexuals in the military could be fired by 2000 and some were taken to military court. “Kelly Holmes is the tip of the iceberg,” said gay rights activist Peter Tuchel, adding that “there have been many other major British sporting starts that have failed.” “They grew up in an age of often toxic homophobia and although Britain is more liberal today, they have been affected by this experience for a lifetime,” he said. Holmes said: “There have been many dark moments where I wish I could scream that I’m gay – but I could not. “I was convinced all my life that if I admitted that I was gay in the army, I would still have a problem.” Holmes told the Sunday Mirror that when she was 23 her barracks were searched by the Royal Military Police and she believed it was to find out if any of the soldiers were lesbians. In 2003 he was cut with scissors before the World Athletics Championships in France. She recalls: “I was in a camp bath and I literally wanted to scream so loud that I turned on the tap to wipe away my tears. “I did not want to be here anymore.” “I really hope this is a wake-up call for anyone involved in prejudice and exclusion today,” said Robbie de Santos, a spokesman for the Stonewall charity, who said it was “wonderful that Dame Kelly Holmes feels she can share it.” truth with the world “. “This is not just a cultural war,” de Santos said. “This is about the long-term impact on people.” “We expect that there will be many more people living in the shadow of homophobia, diphobia and transphobia for many decades. “Many people feel they will be judged by their friends and family,” he said. “It can be more difficult if you feel that you are living a lie with people very close to you and people are worried that they are sending a message that they do not trust those around them.”
