It’s not us. It’s not even him. It’s just life. The war. Things are too bloody. Bloody bloody. So he will ask all of us to make sacrifices. Some may have to make the ultimate sacrifice. Not all of us are going to go through this. Elderly people may starve to death in their unheated homes. But know this. Their death would not be in vain. They will have died so that others of us may live. That’s why Hunt is now calling for massive tax increases and spending cuts. Measures that will make us all worse off. But spiritually he was greatly refreshed. Nobody even thought to mention the impact of Brexit on the economy. It’s a no-go zone for all parties these days The idea was to fill us with dread. The horror, the horror! So much so that when the chancellor actually gets around to delivering his autumn statement on Thursday, none of us are counting on anything more than life support being turned off. Then Jezza can surprise us with his warm bedside manner. We’ve all got on so well, he’ll say, that things aren’t as bad as he feared. Thus, some of the most punitive measures can now be reduced. The cuts will not be as deep. It will still be awesome. But not as terrible as it could have been. I’m glad! Celebrate our Savior! Saint Jeremy, the patron saint of managing expectations. And everything seems to be going to plan. Because Hunt survived Treasury questions almost unscathed. He said things would be bad. But he said it so gently, so politely, so reasonably that no one really wanted to get so angry with him. There was no need. There is no point in Labor wasting energy before the chancellor has made his announcement. Everyone had already planned for the worst. Nobody even thought to mention the impact of Brexit on the economy. It’s a no-go zone for all parties these days. Don’t mention the war! Almost all the Tories – except Edward Lee, who sounded a lonely lament for middle England: would no one think of the pain of higher rate taxpayers? – had come to praise the chancellor. Backbencher James Grundy set the tone by asking Jezza to remind everyone how much he had saved people with the energy price cap. “Seven hundred pounds,” said Hunt shyly. Lowering his head and fluttering his eyes. He could have auditioned as Elizabeth Debicki’s understudy on The Crown. “God, thank you, thank you,” Grudy said. “We are not worthy of your brilliance.” It didn’t seem to occur to him that everyone would still be broke even with the flyer. And that they would be even more broke when the price cap was raised in April next year. No. It was our official duty to celebrate the £700 they had given us. Even if it wasn’t enough to warm us up. To do otherwise would be to underestimate the country. Labour’s Toby Perkins wanted to know what the Government planned to do for all those who would no longer be able to buy a home or afford their current mortgages. Junior Chancellor of the Exchequer Andrew Griffiths took his cue from Hunt and shook his head. That was the wrong question, he insisted. What we should have been talking about was the large number of minimum wage workers. It makes no sense to pay employees more than absolutely necessary. And these people could be saving for a deposit in 360 years. Fearful. Shadow Chancellor Rachel Reeves has made life rather more uncomfortable for her counterpart. It noted that the NHS was on the brink of collapse and average wages had fallen by £1,000 in real terms since last year. So where did Jezza think the OECD predicted the UK next year in terms of growth? Fact: there were 38 countries in the league table. Hint: don’t worry about the numbers 1-37. Hunt was beside himself. That really wasn’t fair. It wasn’t the Tories who had ruined the economy. Or rather it was. But you should ignore everything that Liz Truss and Kwasi Kwarteng had done because he had tried to undo it. At a cost of £30bn to the UK. Although for some reason he forgot to say that. However, Jezza has never been that good with numbers. In any case he had his own tables. According to the Narnia Institute of Economic Affairs, the UK was outperforming the rest of the world. Yes… that sounds right. Also preparing the ground was Rishi Sunak, away in Bali. He was also trying to sound negative about the economy, giving the impression that he knew how to fix it. Give him a few long, hard looks – like his Paddington Bear impression when Sergei Lavrov was speaking at the G20 – and hopefully he’s behaved himself. But mostly Rish! he wanted it on record that none of this was his fault. And he certainly wasn’t going to apologize for anything. Mistakes may have been made. But none is worth apologizing for. There would be hell to pay when he found out which party had been in government for the past 12 years. Sunakered. Back in the Commons, junior housing minister Lucy Fraser was left with the thankless task of defending the right of Truss and Kamikwasi to win severance pay to wreck the economy. She sounded increasingly fragile as she tried to convince herself that their mini-budget, which she had championed, was basically a practical joke. No real harm had been done. So Labor shouldn’t make such a fuss about things. If anyone was to blame for the mess, it was Labour. Why; Oh, just because. Fraser crashed and burned. Like the rest of the UK. A year at Westminster with John Crace, Marina Hyde and Armando Iannucci Join John Crace, Marina Hyde and Armando Iannucci for a look back at another chaotic year at Westminster, live at Kings Place in London or via live stream. Wednesday, December 7, 2022, 7 p.m. -20:15 GMT. Book tickets here.
